So... I havent blogged in a few days, because i've had a pretty tough week. Worked lots the weekend, and since yesterday, relaxing and unwinding has been a priority; even though i have spent a lot of it feeling sad.
Saturday will be my Nans birthday, and if i am honest, i am dreading that day. I believe to be very much stuck in the denial stage of grief, because i do not have to face her home without her there living so far away, and i can tell myself she is sat in her chair, reading her magazines, doing a crossword, or waiting for me to pop round for a cuddle and a natter!
When i saw my Grandad last week i promised him i would give the weight loss a real shot... and if i am honest, i havent been doing that. Well, i hadn't been. I kept starting the day really well, and getting worse as the day progressed... always saying to myself, ill do better tomorrow! yet tomorrow really doesn't ever come! Though it has now... because i realised i don't want to dread trips out walking with friends, or going to the local pub because its up hill and i feel like im suffering a heart attack every time i attempt it. and i do not want to have to buy fat peoples clothes forever. I dont want to feel guilty when i eat, wondering if people are thinking.. oh dear theres the FAT girl eating again...
So, no more fat girl. on the inside i have never been fat, i have never felt as big as i am, and it wasnt until last week when i didnt just look in the mirror... i LOOKED and really saw the damage i am doing to my body.
So starting as i mean to go on, food wise had a really good couple of days. Starting as usual with my Actimel, banana and my acai berry pills.
Been eating salads, and giving them more flavour with a couple of sundried tomatoes. in bulk they are not a good choice! but i only add a couple chop them up small and they taste lush! and Jalepenos, they dont have many calories but i love them and excite my boring salad!
The real struggle for me is at work, where its so easy to pick at crisps, biscuits, cakes, just food in general... But thats an obstacle i need to tackle myself!
But heres to trying... because this is the diary of the fat girl who will get healthy. Emotionally, Mentally and Physically.
Sophie x
Take your own snacks to work Soph, maybe in big enough quantities to share in place of the biscuits etc...
ReplyDeleteI do that sometimes because it makes ME eat!
I'm dreading Saturday too, I have a feeling Sidmouth will never feel the same,
but in a funny way I also feel a sense of peace about it.
Love you xxx
Hey Sophie! Gum helps me a ton at work, pop a piece in and then you can't snack or bring your own pre-portioned snacks! Almonds, bananas, yogurt have all worked great for me.
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